Monday, 20 April 2009
Mixed emotions since my last blog.

I feel like a failure. I can never stick to something in life. I finally become motivated and i just lose it. I'm afraid incase I leave high school after five years of education with nothing. There are things I want to do in my life but at the same time I have a blank canvas and only God knows where my road will take me. I know I need to get the best results from school as I can but I am already so far behind and feel it's pointless even attempting to catch up.

I feel trapped. I feel as if I just need to get out of here. Out of this place. There is nothing here for anyone anymore. I am planning on moving from this rubbish town after my last year of sixth form and moving with my best friends to London. From there I think my life will begin to fall in to place and maybe I will be able to see a future for myself. Living with my Mum and my Stepdad is doing nothing for me at all. I am not ready to leave because I know I am not independent enough yet, but as soon as I am and I have money and some plans I have to go.

I also feel a bit down lately as I've been thinking of my Nan. I can't help but feel terrible when she died and I just wish I could see her again. Me and my dad hardly ever saw her when I ahd the chance. The morning she was in hospital I was going to see her but for some reason we couldn't make it so we said we'll see her tomorow and then I got dressed in the morning to run down stairs to find my Mum telling me she's died. There was so much I had to say to her. I didn't even get the chance to tell her I love her and I can't help but feel guilty. I loved her dearly and she was such a caring woman all day she spent her time doing things for other people she used to spoil me rotten ^__^ hehe. She was an amazing woman who could reach anyones heart .. miss you nanny <3

But on the other hand I feel lucky.I feel so lucky that I have amazing friends, every single one of them i could trust with my life. I love them all so dearly. They're the people who are nowhere near serious and can put a smile on anyones face but as soon as a situation occurs they are there to listen to you and give you advice.

On a brighter more cheerful note haha, I have been going to alot more parties lately and I LOVE it. Problem is I'm grounded at the moment and need to be ungrounded by friday because it's my friend's birthday, then another ftwo of my friend's birthday's on saturday. I will break free. Maybe this will keep me motivated. ^__^






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