Someone is waiting, someone who understands exactly how you feel, exactly how you feel.. Someone is dreaming, someone is hoping just that this will be the day, that this will be the day.. That you take your eyes off the ground, out of the blue, and see that someone is looking right Back at you.. Maybe that someone's me.
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I love candles so much... Whenever I feel like crap they always make me feel calm and happy. It's just like a hug, I feel like I really need a meaningful hug right now. Just one really meaningful hug to send me to sleep. Ahh well, I suppose I will just light my incense and candles, have a bath and watch some movies. :)
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There are times when I hate you but I don’t complain, cause I’ve been afraid that you would walk away. Oh but now I don’t hate you I’m happy to say, that I will be there at the end of the day.
There are some people in life you truly care for, sometimes it's because you know the feeling's mutual and you know that you will always be there for eachother through thick and thin. But sometimes you have no idea. You know they don't care for you as much as you care for them, and even though you know this you can't help but want to be there for them. Even when you think to yourself "Why am I doing this? They're a total dick! They're not even the same amazing person that they were when I met them."... You can't help but have feelings for them. And you know that no matter what, whenever they need you. You'll always be there.
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I'm scared incase I care for you much, much more than you do me, however I have decided I have been given a second chance and I'm not gunna let it slip away. People will probably think I'm weak and I just can't say no to you. The truth is I really want to make it work. I have never stopped caring for you and no matter what i'll be there for you. Even if you can be a total dick. :)
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And so I thought I’d let you know that these things take forever I especially am slow, but I realize that I need you and I wondered if I could come home....
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So if you wanna be with me, with these things there's no telling. We'll just have to wait and see, But I'd rather be working for a paycheck, Than waiting to win the lottery
Besides, maybe this time it's different
I mean I really think you like me...
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I don't want to fall. I loved someone (strong word i know) but if i'm being honest i think i truly did, then finally when i thought they actually liked me back i get told i'm nothing but a mistake. which actually really, really hurts. it took me so long to get over that and i still cared for him. Alot. Then we finally get to being good friends again and everything is great, when out of the blue someone decides to tell me he likes me now and that he never stopped liking me, he just panicked. All of a sudden i realise that i never have stopped loving this person but i'm scared of everything going wrong. I'm scared of losing what we have right now. But at the same time it's very rare people get a second chance with stuff like this, and i don't want to lose that either. I just wish i knew what to do. I'm seriously scared i'm gunna crash and burn.
Oh Gosh that was cheesey : oh well.......
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I wish I could put my thoughts in to words. I can't even piece them together in my head. Nothing makes sense. I don't feel angry, sad, happy or excited. I don't know how I feel I feel like, I dunno like i want to fall through a sieve. and then everything i want to forget is left behind me.
I had a strange dream last night. It was pretty cool at first. The floor boards were burning from underneath me and i just fell (obviously) and then i started falling through this kind of like, black nothing-ness, just like black matter. emptiness. I was free falling for a long time and i then dived in to a giant fish bowl haha. I was just swimming and swimming and random glams of colour were shimmering past me in the bright light that was shining over me. (I dunno where the light came from tbh it was pitch black before) but then rose petals were falling from above me and in to the bowl and then all of a sudden i was standing infront of a brick wall and you know like in them harry potter films? and they can walk through walls and stuff? i just started walking throuh it but there was no end to it and i started to get very confused and everything just went crazy and i started crying... i can't really remember the rest haha but it was weird huh?
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I gave me away, I could have knocked off the evening but I lonelily landed my wants in her hands. In a way I felt you were leaving me, I was sure I wouldn't find you at home. And you let me down. You could have knocked off the evening but you lonelily let him push under your bone. You let me down, it's no use deceiving. Neither of us wanna be alone.
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The time when kindness falls like rain It washes me away and anna begins change my mind And every time she sneezes I believe its love And oh lord.... Im not ready for this sort of thing She's talking in her sleep-it's keeping me awake And anna begins to toss and turn And every word is nonsense but I understand it and Oh lord. I'm not ready for this sort of thing Her kindness bangs a gong Its moving me along and anna begins to fade away It's chasing me away. she dissappears, and oh lord Im not ready for this sort of thing.
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Round here.
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If it's a broken part, replace it If it’s a broken arm then brace it If it's a broken heart then face it And hold your own Know your name And go your own way. And everything will be fine.
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I wanna go to a place where I can hold the intangible, and let go of the pain with all my might, I wanna go to a place where I'm suspended on ecstasy,somewhere between dark and light,where wrong becomes right.
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I just don't know what I'm going to do.
The two people I love the most, who have changed my life from the moment I met them are leaving me. I know we'll see eachother now and again, and I'm moving where they are in two years time. It's just not the same.
All I can say is that all the things I've learnt and everything I have felt due to these two people are things that will stay with me forever. We have so many memories, some good and we do have the occasional times were we have disagreed, but because we love eachother so much we push it aside because our friendship and love is much bigger than petty arguments. I want them to know that no matter what I am here for them and always will be. Whenever it feels like we are fading away from eachother, we know it will never happen because we share a connection that can only be shared between us and no one else.
They are the most independent, caring people I have ever met and have been through more shit than anyone I know. They have helped me find my true self and I am no longer afraid to talk to people about how I feel anymore. Well... maybe I can only discuss things with certain people.
The point is that Lucy cares far too much for people and not so much of herself however when it comes down to it she knows when to stand up for herself and what she believes in.
Megan can't stand negative energy and as soon as the atmosphere goes down she is always there to pick it back up and keep everyone smiling.
There are far more things I could say about them, but they cannot be said with words
Infact, there is nothing I could use to show what Megan and Lucy mean to me, and I hope they know it.
I love you with all my heart x
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I want to find an amazingly beautiful tree and turn it in to a wish tree.
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There’s a fire inside of you That can’t help but shine through She’s never gonna see the light No matter what you do. She can’t see the way your eyes Light up when you smile She’ll never notice how you stop and stare whenever she walks by. Like shadows in a faded light, we're invisible.
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Everything I think and everything I do is wrong. I just wish life wasn't so hard and we know what we want in life [and why we want it], and if we can't get it we simply get over it. I wanna get over it and forget but I can't. For some reason I have to be there. I know you don't need me there, but I feel as if i have to be. And I want to be.
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Have you ever, just not known how you feel or what to feel... so you're simply numb and confused?
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I was a dreamer before you went and let me down. Now its too late for you and your White Horse, To come around.
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And you’ve got a smile that could light up this whole town, I haven’t seen it in a while since she brought you down. You say you’re fine I know you better then that. Whatcha doing with a girl like that?
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You're gonna miss this. You're gonna want this back. You're gonna wish these days hadn't gone by so fast. These Are Some Good Times. So take a good look around. You may not know it now But you're gonna miss this.------
This much I know is true. That God blessed the broken road,that led me straight to you.Just to see you smile, I'd do anything that you wanted me to when all is said and done. I'd never count the cost it's worth all that's lost, Just to see you smile.
Watch your broken dreams dance in and out of the beams of a neon moon.
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So, so you think you can tell Heaven from Hell,blue skies from pain. Can you tell a green field from a cold steel rail? A smile from a veil? Do you think you can tell?
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Mixed emotions since my last blog.
I feel like a failure. I can never stick to something in life. I finally become motivated and i just lose it. I'm afraid incase I leave high school after five years of education with nothing. There are things I want to do in my life but at the same time I have a blank canvas and only God knows where my road will take me. I know I need to get the best results from school as I can but I am already so far behind and feel it's pointless even attempting to catch up.
I feel trapped. I feel as if I just need to get out of here. Out of this place. There is nothing here for anyone anymore. I am planning on moving from this rubbish town after my last year of sixth form and moving with my best friends to London. From there I think my life will begin to fall in to place and maybe I will be able to see a future for myself. Living with my Mum and my Stepdad is doing nothing for me at all. I am not ready to leave because I know I am not independent enough yet, but as soon as I am and I have money and some plans I have to go.
I also feel a bit down lately as I've been thinking of my Nan. I can't help but feel terrible when she died and I just wish I could see her again. Me and my dad hardly ever saw her when I ahd the chance. The morning she was in hospital I was going to see her but for some reason we couldn't make it so we said we'll see her tomorow and then I got dressed in the morning to run down stairs to find my Mum telling me she's died. There was so much I had to say to her. I didn't even get the chance to tell her I love her and I can't help but feel guilty. I loved her dearly and she was such a caring woman all day she spent her time doing things for other people she used to spoil me rotten ^__^ hehe. She was an amazing woman who could reach anyones heart .. miss you nanny <3
But on the other hand I feel lucky.I feel so lucky that I have amazing friends, every single one of them i could trust with my life. I love them all so dearly. They're the people who are nowhere near serious and can put a smile on anyones face but as soon as a situation occurs they are there to listen to you and give you advice.
On a brighter more cheerful note haha, I have been going to alot more parties lately and I LOVE it. Problem is I'm grounded at the moment and need to be ungrounded by friday because it's my friend's birthday, then another ftwo of my friend's birthday's on saturday. I will break free. Maybe this will keep me motivated. ^__^
xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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I know that this hurts you, it hurts me too I wish there was something I could do to make it easier for you. Sometimes it's tough, too soon to call it love but I wanted to, but It's too late now to say all the wonderful things that I thought of you.------
Anger. The one thing that results to anger is care. Whe you care so much for a person, aswell as that you carry a tremendous amount of hate for another. Basically th more you care for someone, the more you hate the person that hurts them. Anger and hate build up inside you until you have images like this in your mind as you drift to sleep at night. You need to do something about it. And something will be done.------
I feel happy to be home even though I had agreat time in London with my best friends. We have planned our future together and I can tell you it will be a good one.All I want to do this week is have fun with my friends, have ice cream,barbaques, parties, go the cinema and maybe a little revision.
I think everything's going to be just fine
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Wherever you are just know i need you here i need you now you were brighter than the pale white moon reflected in your eyes so i guess its no suprise i can't forget you no matter what i do.------
Sometimes in life you care for someone. How and why you care for them does not matter. The point is that you care. And when there is a person who you can see hurting that someone, it is expected for you to be protective and threaten to hurt this person. However, I guess in life you can't hurt someone who has done no harm to you, even though that person you really care about may be hurt, all you can do is be there for them when things fall apart and hope maybe one day justice will be served and that person is treated the way she has been treating others for a very long time. I'm tired of having this hate inside me and I guess it will not go away but I can learn to keep it behind me and focus on the positives in life. So now I will not make peace with this person but with myself.
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Brightness fills empty space.
Lulu, I want to thankyou for everything you and Meggy have done for me, you are both so special to me you wouldn't understand. You are always so good to me and even when i mess up, forget things and do stupid things, you have never left my side.
Lulu you have no idea how inspiring you are, you're life has been pretty rough but you have learnt things from it and they have made you the person you are today. You are in one word unique and you will be a part of my life forever
ILY, xx
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Summer.
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